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*made you smile **funny ***laughed ****cracked you up *****made you roll on the floor *** A boy came home from school and his mother asked him what he learned in school that day. He replied: Our teacher told us that a man named Noah rode in a boat named the Ark. He brought a few of his pets with him and it was really rainy out. His mom said: Is that really what your teacher told you? He said: No, but if I told you what she really told us, you'd never believe me! * How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner! **** A man was fishing and a guy walked up to him and asked him how the fishing was. The man replied that he hadn't caught any, but the fishing was great! The guy asked him: How do you figure that? The man told him that the fishing was fine, but the catching was bad! *** A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!" "Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world! **** "Two guys are driving through Texas and get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the driver's side window. The driver slowly rolls it down, and the trooper smacks the driver in the head with his night stick. "Ow!" says the driver "What did you do that for?" The trooper says, "Son, you're in Texas, when I pull you over, you will have you're license ready." The driver says, "Sorry sir, I'm not from around here." The trooper writes the guy a ticket and gives him his license back, then the trooper walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls the window down, and the trooper smacks him in the head with his nightstick. "Ow!" says the passenger. "What the heck was that for?" The trooper replies "Just making you're wish come true." "What in the world does that mean?" the guy asks. The trooper says, "Two miles down the road, you were gonna say,"I wish that punk would have tried that with me!" *** Bart and Art have been a couple on the links every day since they've been retired. One day, as they're putting on their golf shoes in the clubhouse, they get into a conversation about heaven and whether there are any golf courses there. They make a pact. The first one to die will come back and tell the other one. Bart dies first, and sure enough, comes back to visit Art. Art says, "Well are there any golf courses in heaven?" "I have good news and I have bad news," says Bart."We have the ultimate golf course in the sky and tournament which starts tomorrow." "So what's the bad news?" "You're my partner!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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